Massage is the perfect sex act. It helps you create the right context, set the mood, connect with your beau, and get turned on. Plus, it makes experiencing orgasm easier by activating your parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system, helping you feel safe enough to get vulnerable and enjoy sexy times. My counseling clients agree in theory, but there’s a problem: one (or both) of them sucks at giving massage! To help, I asked my friend Nik, a licensed massage therapist who leads Massage and Communication Through Touch workshops, for intimate couple’s massage tips to make it sexier, effortless, and all-around better for you and your beau.
Tips for Getting Started with an Erotic Massage
Here are some suggestions to create a soothing and comfortable atmosphere for your massage.
- Be clear about the goals/intentions of the massage before you begin. Are you hoping the massage turns into something more? Just looking for a little unwinding? Do you want something in return? There’s no single right answer, just what’s right for you and you beau (and that you’re both on the same page).
- Hand towels are your friend. They’re great for wiping up extra oil (or lube!) and when rolled, they are the perfect pillow for the back of the neck, under the shoulders and feet when facedown, or under the knees when on the back.
- A cold person is not a turned-on person. Pay attention to the temperature of the room and keep it a bit on the warmer side. You lose heat quickly if you’re naked and lying still. Think about other ways to make the space more intimate (e.g. soft music) and cozy (e.g. candles).
- Avoid the bed. It’s too squishy! Try putting the couch cushions or a thick blanket or comforter on the floor with a sheet over it.
- If you’re receiving a massage, do whatever you need to prepare yourself to be selfish during the massage. Take a shower to freshen up and relax your muscles, stretch, hydrate, meditate. Perform whatever rituals you need to get primed for pampering.
- Showers have massage benefits too. Showering before or after a massage helps your whole body to relax, heats up (aka loosens) your muscles, and lets you turn washing off oil into something sexy. Oh and of course, there’s always the potential for pre- or post-massage shower sex…
9 Couples Massage Tips
- Start and end with gentle touch. It’s oh-so-intimate and coaxes muscles to relax
- If you want to go deep, go slooooooow. Same rule for massage and penetration.
- Sensuality is all about surprise. Use the same pattern, then switch it up. Lull the person into a totally relaxed state…then wake ’em up (aka arouse them).
- Oil isn’t condom-compatible. Oil + latex = melted mess. Don’t let them touch! Therefore make sure any massage oil either doesn’t touch the genitals OR you have some fun washing it off before getting your sexy on.
- Massage alone can lead to orgasm. YUP – it’s true! The nerve endings that make sex feel so damn good actually run through the lower back. Therefore lots of people find that any stimulation to the lower back, hip, and booty area can cause some pleasurable sensations and maybe even take you there.
- Lean into it. Rather than just relying on your fingertips – which let’s be real start to hurt/ache/cramp real fast – put your
backbody into it. Try this: face your partner, planting your feet firmly. Place your palms on their back and just leeeeeeeeeean into it, slowly. And don’t forget to end the massage with some long, sweeping strokes from shoulder to booty to wipe any last bits of tension away nd to help re-ground them.
- Wetter is better. Ok so maybe this isn’t 100% true but just like with sex, there needs to be some lubrication to help your hands just glide.
- If you give a really good massage, your partner won’t be able to reciprocate. They’ll be totally blissed out! This is a good thing. But if you want them to return the favor, negotiate this before the massage begins!
- Relax, trust, and let your partner help you. They’re doing something sweet- let them! Of course this is easier if you’ve established boundaries before starting the massage (see #2).
Now that these couples massage tips have made you an expert, let’s talk about tools to giving a massage easier.
Top 4 Massage Tools
These are my favorite massage tools and also happen to be best sellers among my clients. When choosing what’s right for you think: oil or lotion? Edible or not? And no matter what, get the ceramic massager. It’s seriously life-changing.
- Dame Massage OilCandle.Light the candle to get your room smelling sexy. When it’s massage time, simply blow it out and pour the lukewarm (not hot!) massage oil (not wax!). The spout helps ensure the oil goes exactly where you want it. Comes in three delicious scents.
- Lulu Edible Massage Oil. Perfect if you want something that tastes delicious and lets you transition to giving a blowjob! Please note this product is not safe to use on the vagina. Available in Cocoa Picante (chocolate + a hint of spice); Dulce de Leche (caramel); Forbidden Fruit (pomegranate, Asian pear, & berry); or Forbidden Fruit 24K Gold (with 24K edible gold flakes).
- Pheremone Massage Lotion. Lightly scented, pheremone-infused massage cream to help you & your honey feel attractive and turned on. With a touch of silicone it lasts super long + the pump bottle makes it hella easy to re-up, mid-massage. Comes in Cucumber Melon & Lavendar Vanilla.
- Contour M Massager. Ceramic stone massager that makes giving a massage idiot-proof. Heat it up (think: hot stone massage) or cool it down for extra sensation. Plus it’s double-sided, enabling broad, sweeping strokes or light, multi-point sensations. Never give (or get) a bad massage again.
Massage is another way to show affection through touch.
We use touch to comfort, arouse, pleasure, soothe, or relax. Massage is one more way to do that. Plus it reduces stress and increases intimacy, helping you have a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life.