One of the most common tools I share with my counseling clients is the creation of relationship agreements. At their core, relationship agreements are your ways of being and interacting with someone you’re in a relationship with. Exactly what they look like varies drastically, from contracts in some kink and BDSM relationships to how you and your beau(s) schedule your time.
Here’s everything you need to know about these intimacy-boosting tools and how to incorporate them into all of your relationships.
Every relationship has agreements—explicit or otherwise
Whether you’re aware of and chose the agreements or not, they’re there. Often, outside of BDSM and kink, these agreements are assumed instead of established together. To use a common example, in heterosexual relationships, women perform a larger portion of the household chores and management than men.
The little things you do every day are more important than grand gestures
Relationship agreements often attend to little things in your relationship, like how you greet each other or how you divvy up chores. That doesn’t mean they can’t be grand (still laughing over this one), but rather that they support the most important part of your relationship(s): what you do regularly.
How To Create Your Own Relationship Agreements
Reflect on the habits in your relationship (if you’re non-monogamous, choose one to get started). How do you and your partner interact day-to-day? What roles do you each play in your relationship? In the bedroom? Who does what around the house, if you live together?
Once you’ve mapped out the agreements you already have, explore your feelings for them. Did you choose these? Are you satisfied with them? Do they bring you pleasure? If there’s an agreement that’s bugging you, regardless of whether it’s how things have always been or something you previously chose, talk to your beau about it.