At the beginning of every year, I choose to a word to guide me. In 2015, that word was focus. You see, 2014 left me exhausted, burnt out, and overwhelmed by what to do next. I remember chatting with my friend Kate about goals and feeling totally lost…because I had none. I lacked direction and clarity and purpose.
2015 changed all that. And it was an absolutely wild ride.
Most of the year alternated between huge highs and gut-wrenching lows. I struggled with chronic pain, body image issues, self-acceptance, and, in the final weeks, caring for a sick family member. On any given day, the beau arrived home to find me dancing ecstatically, wrecked with sobs, or desolately procrastinating.
2015 was also a year of healing.
Friendships deepened. I said yes to opportunities that scared the shit out of me. The different business and women’s groups I joined helped rebuild my confidence, reminding me daily that this work is important, needed, and revolutionary. My fellow girl bosses cheered me on, lifted me up, and called my BS when fear and overwhelm threatened to cave me in. I gave up working out and found the joy in movement again. I finally felt felt at home – in my work, my body, and my relationships.
Professionally, 2015 was all about the fame.
It started with Cosmo and ended with Playboy and Prevention (on the same day!). In between there were interviews with Elle, Mic (talking lube, embarrassing sex Qs, and your desires), Redbook, She Knows (talking orgasms and vaginas), Men’s Health, Sexpert, and Teen Vogue. I also wrote for The Good Men Project, Girl Boner, Toy with Me, My Secret Luxury, Sexpert, and The New Wifestyle. This was great not only because I love me some accolades but also because it meant I welcomed almost 200 new pleasure seekers to the Passion by Kait community.
Most importantly, 2015 was about you.
You shared your desires, fantasies, and fears. Together we celebrated first orgasms, overcame the gag reflex, found the g-spot, and so much more. You said yes (omgyes!) to stronger orgasms, fantasizing, and telling your partner what you want. We worked towards #freedominpleasure each and every damn day.
Here are some of my favorite moments that we celebrated together.
When I was featured on Cosmo…and you showered me with love
In January, I secretly interviewed with Cosmo. Cheryl and I sipped fancy lattes, half the coffee shop paid attention to our fabulous chat, and one lady even jumped in on the convo! I couldn’t wait to share the news…except the day the interview posted I was at a conference and a bit off-the-grid. I came home to hundreds of notifications, texts, and emails celebrating this moment.
When you loved learning how to make doggy style pleasurable…
so much that the post went viral! You emailed me to tell me how these four tips changed everything for you. How you could finally enjoy your sweetie’s favorite position without it hurting. How, even better than that, you finally “got” what all the fuss was about because hot damn! it felt really fricking good.
When I got super vulnerable about my struggles with chronic pain…
and you empathized like champs. I was terrified to post this. Would the techniques be too “woo woo”? Would you judge me? Would my story even be useful? In short: no, no, and hell yes. You held me in your virtual arms and told me you understood and that it was just what you needed to hear.
When BlogHer featured my period sex post …
and you emailed to tell me how relieved you felt that others got super horny on their period, that you weren’t alone in loving period sex, and that you finally had the confidence to try it thanks to these tips.
When I filmed tons of sex ed videos…
and you complimented my converse + bangle combo.
Which made me smile so hard. I only wore sneakers because on the first day of filming I was in so much pain I could barely stand up. And because that bangle introduced me to one of my dearest new friends from this year. You didn’t know it but those were the best compliments you could have given.
When LeanInNYC chose me as their woman of the week…
Check out the fearless @passionbykait founder, and today’s #WCW Kait Scalisi! Kait tells us “Pleasure is important too! It helps us be more productive and creative and less stressed. Enjoying ourselves, whether it’s savoring a glass of wine, reading a trashy romance novel, day dreaming, or having sexy time (solo or with a partner), gives our brains downtime and the chance to make connections and birth amazing ideas.” || Check out Passion By Kait, which offers women in relationships fresh ideas and teaches them how to ask for what they want so they can have the intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life they desire. #women #NYC #entrepreneur
When Playboy featured my post on morning sex…
and you went bananas, even though you had to scroll past tons of boobs to read it.
This was my first bit of unsolicited press- in other words, they found me and not the other way around. And I couldn’t have asked for a better intro to the Playboy.com audience:
Do you fancy a morning shag, you know, like the way James Bond would start his day? If you don’t bone with the break of dawn, we recommend you consider it. Why? Well, not only is it a great way to get your body going, some rich folks say morning sex is their secret to success. So, if you’re looking for that extra edge, or just some extra sexiness in your life, this week, Passion by Kait offered up these handy tips to enjoy better morning sex.
When I found peace with my body…
New friendship milestone with Kait. Went undies shopping after a business meet up (for 11 am dairy free ice cream) at Azaleas Lingerie near St. Mark’s. She recently texted me that underwear shopping was un-fun, so we fixed that. Her new joy? The Hanky Panky boyshort! Hurray! Ps: totally took this photo inside a vegan restaurant while a group tour looked on from outside. Awkwardly. All in a day’s work!
A photo posted by Kimmay Caldwell (@hurraykimmay) on
shared it in the most outrageous, Kait-way possible, and was loved on a lot
For showing up.
For supporting me.
For having the courage to say yes to creating a more intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life.
Happy 2016. Here’s to a fabulous, sexy, passion-filled new year.