Are you having enough sex?

There’s one thing every one of my clients and every potential client has in common: they think they aren’t having enough sex. Sometimes they tell me they’re having sex several times each week. Other times, that number drops to a few occurrences per year.

Regardless of their number, most people don’t think they’re having enough sex.

This is what happens when we don’t have honest conversations around sex. People compare themselves to some undefined norm, often without a) having had conversations with others, and b) reflecting on their own satisfaction with their sex life. 

It’s easier to think that if you just have more sex, you’ll feel more satisfied or your relationship problems will improve. Unfortunately, that’s not often the case.

Numbers are just information.

My friend, Kimmay reminds me of this all the time. In fact, she created an entire campaign around it called #MoreThanMyNumbers!

Numbers are information. Information is useful. But it doesn’t tell the whole story of who you are or what your sex life and relationship are like.

Numbers don’t tell us if the sex is satisfying or unfulfilling. How your partner(s) treats you. If you enjoy yourselves.

The only thing it reveals is how often you have sex.

I don’t care how often you have sex

People are often surprised that, as a sex educator, I don’t care much about this number. Here are a few things I do care about:

  • The quality and connection between partners 
  • Your day to day interactions
  • Whether you feel seen and supported
  • Your pleasure

I also care about why you feel you aren’t having enough sex. Why you want more sex. And, if you want more sex, why you aren’t having it?

See what I care about instead—and when the numbers matter—on Blood + Milk.

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