Most of the time, you love sex. You love the kissing and the foreplay and the penetration and everything in between.
But sometimes, even when you’re totally into it, your body doesn’t seem to get the message. You just aren’t getting wet!
Being wet is not always sign of arousal.
Despite what you’ve been told, aroused ≠ wet, at least not always.
Everyone with a vulva has a different “baseline” level of wetness. You might get wet the second someone touches your knee or you might barely be wet after 40 minutes of foreplay (or somewhere in between). Either is totally normal. And your baseline baseline can change over time, especially as you get older or have children.
Many things can make you dry during sex.
You might feel dry during sex if you you’re on certain meds (including some birth control pills), just took a warm bath or shower, or have certain medical conditions or procedures like radiation. Other times, you and you sweetie had a quickie, didn’t spend much time on foreplay, or kept at it all night long. Other times it’s something completely different.
Here are five other reasons you get dry during sex.
- You’re dehydrated. If the lips on your face are dry, you can bet your other ones (you know the ones down there) will be too. Maybe you celebrated too hard last night, started a new workout routine, or sit in a sweltering office all day. Whatever the reason, you’re dehydrated and it’s making things less than smooth.
- Your partner is well-endowed or you’re using a big toy. Sex is friction, so the bigger the penis or toy, the more friction there is. Even if you’re pretty wet, sex with a big partner might use up that lube pretty quickly
- You’re using a condom. No one is sure why this happens but too many women report this
- You’re doing it in the butt. Booties just can’t get wet the way that vaginas can. So no matter what type of backdoor adventures you’re having, lube is a must.
- You’re distracted, nervous, or stressed. Sometimes you feel stressed when you start having sex and other times your mind wanders to not-so-sexy to-do’s halfway through. When this happens, your body goes from aroused to stressed out. And then it stops sending blood to the vulva and stops signalling you to get wet.
Ok so everything and anything can make you dry during sex. Got it. The question is: what can you do about it?
Lube is the answer.
No matter why you’re dry during sex, lube helps. At it’s most basic, lube decreases friction. It also enhances sensation, making every touch and lick feel sexier.This is why it’s amazing for any sex, but especially important if you get dry for any reason.
Not all lubes are created equal and many are actually bad for your body. They make you more irritated or increase your risk of infection. Here are some things to keep in mind when choosing a lube:
- Avoid any lube with glycerin or parabens.
- If you have seasonal allergies, something with plant extracts may not be a good idea.
- It’s safe to use water-based and silicone lubes with ANY type of condom.
- If using lube with a male condom, put a little on the tip of the penis before slipping the condom on. Then put some on the outside of the penis and/or in and around your vaginal opening.
- Water-based lubes make things feel wet but don’t last very long. This one by Sliquid is my favorite.
- Silicone-based lubes, like my beloved UberLube, makes things SUPER slippery and last forevah! but can’t be used with silicone sex toys.
- You can apply lube to yourself, your partner, or both.
Want to know more about lube? Check out my epic three-part series here.
And water doesn’t hurt either.
Drinking enough water is just plain good for you. This is true for your sex life as well. If nothing yet has convinced you to get your 8 cups a day, hopefully the promise of better sex will!
There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re dry during sex.
It happens to almost everyone from time-to-time. Some women will never get super wet but even for those who usually don’t have anything to worry about, keeping a bottle of lube and a bottle of water close by can only your sex life more fun.