Finding the g-spot can be a source of both great pleasure and disappointment. It incorporates sexual and communication skills as well as asks you to practice creating the right context.
Everyone wants to find it, hoping it’s the magic key to full body, earth-shattering, mind-blowing orgasms. For many, the g-spot is all that and more. Except when it isn’t. Sometimes it’s hard to find, you can’t get over that feeling of having to pee (I promise you won’t…and also there’s a
n app solution to that), or the orgasm doesn’t feel any stronger.
The most important thing is to have fun! Sex is supposed to be about pleasure, intimacy, and connection, not stress. Use these steps to guide your partner to bring your g-spot—or to explore anything else you desire.
Find the g-spot on your own first
Already know where your g-spot is? Feel free to skip this section!
You can’t lead someone somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going. That’s wandering (which is fun and recommended but not the same). So lets start with the basics of finding the g-spot on your own.
- The g-spot is located on the frontal or belly button side of the vaginal wall.
- If your hands are on the smaller side, it can be hard to reach. Use a a curved sex toy instead.
- The exact location of the g-spot varies person to person. It can be just inside your vaginal opening or many inches in, closer to your cervix.
- Look for an area that feels more like the bumpy roof of your mouth versus the smooth inside of your cheek.
- Notice any areas that feel extra yummy.
It may be easier to find the g-spot after you’ve already had an orgasm.
Understand the different types of g-spots
The amazing Megan Andelloux first introduced me to this idea. You know how our bodies are all shaped differently? The g-spot is similar. The tissue can be really concentrated in one spot OR it can cover a larger area.
Play with different techniques
Ok so you’ve found your g-spot. Now its time to play with different techniques. Generally, tapping or a come-hither motion work fabulously if your g-spot is more condensed. But if it’s more spread out—more of a g-zone—stroking all along that front vaginal wall. You can also try massaging in circles. Also, keep in mind that your g-spot may need a lot of pressure—like what you’d enjoy in a shoulder massage.
Take this time to learn how your g-spot enjoys being stimulated. Do you prefer soft touch or lots of pressure?
Breathe through the urge to pee
You’ll know that you’re near a g-spot orgasm when you feel the urge to pee. You won’t!—although you may ejaculate a little or a lot (but seriously—it’s not pee anymore than a person with a penis’s semen is pee). Keep doing what feels good, breathe deep, and bear down.
Its worth noting that while some people experience intense, full-body orgasms from g-spot stimulation, that is not the case for everyone. Nothing is wrong with you if that’s not your experience.
Talk to your partner outside the bedroom
Now that you’ve found your g-spot and figured out what you like, it’s time to explore with your beau! And that starts with you telling them.
If you don’t know how to bring up the topic, use this article as a conversation starter! You can say something like, “I was reading this article about the g-spot and I really want to explore it together. How do you feel about that?”
Use your own words. Just make sure to end with an open-ended question instead of a yes/no one so you can have a conversation about it.
Read more: How to Talk About Sex
Setup a sex lab to find the g-spot together
A sex lab is a “designated time and place for trying a new sexual activity, followed by observations about what worked and what did not.” It gives you and your beau(s) the opportunity to try new things without the pressure of orgasm. The only goal is to explore what works and what doesn’t.
Now if the word ‘lab’ doesn’t jive with you, try play day, pleasure date, or sex date. Choose a fun name that takes the pressure off you to do it right. That’s not the point of this, exploration is. But as adults, it’s hard for us to be new at something. We want to be good at it immediately (dammit)! So creating a fun, safe, sexy space to try something new allows you to totally let go, enjoy the journey, and figure out what brings you pleasure and what doesn’t.
Get really (really) turned on
Make out, watch porn together, have your beau play with your nipples or stroke your back. Do whatever sexy things make you purr until you’re flushed, panting, and practically—or literally—begging for it.
Not only will being turned on make penetration more comfortable, but also your g-spot will be erect (yes, like a penis), and therefore bigger, more sensitive, and easier to find.
Have your beau lube up their fingers and your pussy, before diving in. This decreases friction and enhances sensation—making the exploration easier and more pleasurable. I heart this one for skin-to-skin contact like fingering (and intercourse!).
Read more: All About Lube
Direct them to your g-spot
Once they start fingering, you get to guide them! Say something like, “it would feel so good if you slid your fingers a little further in(or out) right now” or, “I need you to rub circles in my pussy, baby.” When they find it, a simple, “MMM YES, RIGHT THERE!” works fabulously.
If you’re normally quieter during sex this might feel awkward. Remind yourself that few people dislike hearing their partner beg them, urge them on, and express their pleasure. You can do this!
When things change in the moment, let them know. When you want something different, let them know. When things feel really fucking good, you guessed it: let them know!
In other words, communicate about what’s happening as it’s happening (“Oh that feels good”. And, tell them what you want to happen, whether that’s going forward to something different (“I need….”) or back (“Go back to…) to something that felt good.
Try positions that make it easier to reach
Want to explore finding your g-spot during intercourse? Setup a second sex lab to play with different positions that encourage the penis or dildo to rub along the frontal vaginal wall where your g-spot is. I recommend doggy style, spooning, or reverse cowgirl.
Use toys designed to help you find the g-spot
G-spot toys are curved in order to reach the frontal vaginal wall. As a bonus, this angle is great for stimulating your clit too!
If your beau(s) strap(s) on, look for a curved dildo to make this stimulation easier.
If you’re new to g-spot play, go for something with a flat or broad head so you can cover a lot of area and really pinpoint where your spot is. This one from Lelo is beloved by sex educators and clients alike.
If you have more g-spot experience or are looking for something different, feel free to play around with an asymmetrical toy like the Rave 2. You also could try a toy like the We-Vibe Chorus which has two arms—one for the clit and one for the g-spot—and can be worn during intercourse.
And if nothing else has worked or you want the toy that’s practically guaranteed to find that spot, the NJoy Pure Wand is for you. Its weight and shape mean you can use a lot of pressure.
Try, try, try again
Whenever you explore something new, it helps to try it a few times. This helps you move past any awkward WTF are we doing-ness and into having fun. This advice goes for both trying a sex lab and directing your partner to your g-spot!
Embrace the awkward
Lastly, remember that every time you try something new there are bound to be slip-ups. Lean on each other for support and do you best to laugh them off.
After all, even if things don’t go according to plan, you’ll have a great story to tell!
Have fun exploring!
If this sounds like a lot of work to find the g-spot, it can be. That’s why keeping is sexy, playful, and fun is so important. If finding the g-spot feels good, keep doing it. If not, try something new. And if you tried 100 new things and it’s still meh, move on. Sex is about pleasure and intimacy and connection. If you aren’t getting at least one, then, as Elsa once
said sang, let it go.