What is a simultaneous orgasm
At its most basic, a simultaneous orgasm is when you and your partner experience orgasm at the same time. In common use, it refers to this happening during penis-in-vagina intercourse (PIV).
Why is it such a big deal?
Many of us were raised on a diet of romcoms and romance novels, where the cis, hetero couple reaches their peak at the same time. It’s what we were taught to expect, what we were told is normal.
When we started getting it on, we realized this isn’t always—or even often—the case. Anytime our expectations and our experiences don’t match, it creates stress and a desire to fix the gap. While changing your expectations often leads to more peace, many of us think we have to change our experience.
There’s also the fact that in heterosexual relationships, sex often ends when the partner with a penis experiences orgasm. So the desire for a simultaneous climax may stem in part from wanting to make sure everyone gets theirs before things wrap up.
On a more positive note, simultaneous orgasm can be a deeply connecting experience. Sharing a peak of pleasure requires vulnerability, communication, and intimacy that deepens your bond and releases oodles of feel-good hormones in your body.