This article about how to talk during sex, is an excerpt from The PbK Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, a 75-page workbook packed with the exact tools that have helped hundreds—and will help you—have more CONFIDENCE, CONNECTION, and PLEASURE in the bedroom and beyond. Click here to get your copy.
Most of us aren’t talk how to talk during sex never mind how to ask for what we want—in the bedroom and out. If that sounds familiar, this article is for you.
Its hard to learn how to talk during sex and ask for what you want
As a society, we’re just starting to learn how to talk about sex in a way that affirms rather than pressures; that excites rather than ruins the moment.
Maybe your directness surprised him in a good way a la “REALLY?! This thing I enjoy brings you pleasure too?!” Maybe he worried about you feeling pressured or obligated. Maybe he just didn’t hear your first answer.
Whatever the reason, I’m happy he confirmed your consent. And, I’m even happier to tell you there are better ways tot alk during sex and ask for what you want in the moment.
How to Talk During Sex and Ask for What You Want
Here are seven ideas to talk during sex and ask for what you want in bed—without feeling awkward or pressuring the other person.
- Ask permission. Check in to see if they want to try something, like with the partner above.
- Give guidance. Tell them what you want them to do. Direct them on the *ahem* finer
positionsangles that do it for you.
- Express appreciation. Are they doing something you love? Was the whole experience ah-mazing? Let them know.
- Ask if they like what you’re doing. A different form of #1 in to see if something feels good to them and/or if they want you to keep going.
- Give positive suggestions. Encourage them towards what you want and need more of.
- Talk dirty. Technically everything on this list counts as sexy talk; however, you also have tried and true name calling, pet names, expletives, and explicit requests here.
- Tell them if something hurts or feels uncomfortable, or if you feel triggered. Let them know and pause (or stop) immediately to readjust, talk it out, or take time for self-care.
In the future, when it gets to that point, you can say something like, “It would be so hot if you came on my tits” or “I want to feel your cum on my stomach.”
Talk about it outside the bedroom too
Not sure where to start with asking for what you want in bed? That’s exactly why we created The PbK Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, a 75-page workbook packed with the exact tools that have helped hundreds—and will help you—have more confidence, connection, and pleasure in the bedroom and beyond. Get your copy here and learn more about how to talk during sex:
You and your desires are worthy
Before we close, we want to affirm that your desires aren’t weird. Any partner who implies otherwise isn’t someone you shouldn’t be physically intimate with!
If you feel worried about being judged, examine that worry. What belief elicits this fear? All the sex tips and tricks won’t make a difference until you address your feelings, and find acceptance.
That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel awkward. But you’ll know beyond a doubt that your desires are valid and worthy. That you are valid and worthy. Then, when the awkward moments happen, you can more easily integrate them.
Lastly, remember that no two people are absolutely compatible. Successful relationships don’t require you to have all the same desires and dislikes, but rather a willingness to share and explore. Whether it’s sex acts, food, or vacation destinations, you’ll run into situations where one of you likes it and the other doesn’t. At that point, you can decide: “is this a deal-breaker?” If so, maybe that isn’t the right relationship for you. If not, you may just need to try again.