How to Make Bold Moves in the Sex + Life: F*ck the Shoulds

When it comes to finding freedom in pleasure, the boldest move that you can make is letting go of the shoulds. Things like:

  • How often to have sex
  • What counts as “real” sex
  • Comparing your sex life to others
  • Expecting your partner to be your everything
  • Who initiates sex
  • Who has the higher libido
  • Feeling obligated to satisfy a partner
  • Just doing it

Shoulds come laden with expectations and shame. The create double standards, impossible goals, and the feeling of not being enough. Worst of all, within a framework of shoulds, there’s never actually a way to be “enough.” Everytime you get *there,* the goal changes and you must begin again.

The good news? It’s all BS. You’re worthy just as you are. Yes, you.

I’m lucky that ignoring the shoulds has always come easy to me, and that I was blessed with role model and mentors who embodied it. I don’t take those gifts for granted! Even with this leg up, I’ve had my own battles, especially as they relate to food, body image, and my chronic illnesses.

Recently, I chatted with Mandie from the Bold Moves podcast to talk about how I’ve made bold moves in my life and how you can start doing that too. Listen in below. You’ll learn:

  • The Passion by Kait origin story—aka how I got started selling sex toys at my Catholic College
  • What freedom in pleasure really means and how to find it (hint: it’s not just about sex)
  • Why just trying new things won’t get you the intimate, exciting, & fulfilling sex life you crave—and what to do instead
  • The “shoulds” I’ve fallen victim to and how I’ve pulled myself out
  • How to find freedom in pleasure even in the worst seasons of your life

What’s a bold move you’ve made recently? Big or small, tell us below!