My first job after college taught me how deeply western medicine stigmatises mental and sexual health issues. I was administering a survey to cancer patients about different aspects of their health, including mental and sexual. While the patients unanimously thanked me for finally asking, the doctors’ responses ranged from mild discomfort to rage. This stigma spills over to research, impacting what we fund and study. That’s why I was so excited to stumble upon a recent study looking at the sexual and psychological effects of infertility.
The study: Mood, sexual function, and sexual well-being
In the study, over 250 Iranian women completed surveys about their mood, sexual function, and sexual well-being. Just under half of the women were controls: they had no history of infertility. The remaining participants were about equally split among those dealing with primary infertility (when someone has not gotten pregnant after at least one year of having penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex without birth control) and secondary infertility (when someone has been able to get pregnant at least once, but now is unable).The authors explored how each of these three factors—depression, sexual function, and sexual-related quality of life—interacted with infertility and each other. Here’s what they found.
What are the sexual and psychological effects of infertility?
Sexual (dys)function matters
Participants answered questions evaluating their sexual function in six areas: desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and pain. Their total score shows sexual function or dysfunction. Those whose scores indicated they experienced sexual dysfunction—with or without infertility—reported more depression and a lower sexual-related quality of life. The latter connection held true regardless of their age or duration of their marriage.
Depression also impacts sexual-related quality of life
Participants with higher depression scores had lower sexual-related quality of life scores. This connection remained regardless of age or duration of marriage.
Infertility is also linked with depression
Participants with either type of infertility reported significantly higher depression scores than those with no history of it.
Primary fertility impacts sexual function and quality of life
Sexual dysfunction was significantly higher in women struggling with primary infertility compared to those with secondary infertility and controls. There were no other major differences in sexual function among the groups.
Infertility wears on you and your relationship
Infertility affects all aspects of a person’s life: mental, physical, social, financial, sexual, and more. Therefore, it’s ridiculous that, as the authors note, “sexual function and sexual-related quality of life is not considered as it should be.” After all, the ideal sexual environment is low stress, high trust, and high affection. Infertility can impact all three.
Read more: The Only 3 Things You Need for Better Sex
Tips for managing the sexual and psychological effects of infertility
Though the study’s authors don’t offer suggestions for what to do about these impacts, here are some tools that have helped my clients and friends on challenging fertility journeys.
- Ongoing communication with your partner. Talk about what’s working and what’s not. Be there for each other. Share your feelings, even the scary ones.
- Involve others. At some point, you and your beau will need a break from supporting each other. Have at least a few people you can turn to for empathy and hugs. This also ensures that if one person is unavailable to support you, you have others to support you.
- Get professional support. Now is a great time to start therapy on your own and/or with your partner. Beyond that, explore modalities like acupuncture, reiki, massage, and yoga. All of these help you manage stress, stay connected with your body, and receive touch that’s neither sexual nor clinical.
- Spontaneous physical intimacy. Since spontaneous penis-in-vagina sex might not be possible, ask yourselves: how else can you incorporate touch and connection into your relationship? For example, make it a rule that when you’re on the couch, you must be touching. Hold hands, lay your head or feet in each other’s lap, or just have your thighs touching. Here are some more ideas to quickly reconnect.
- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Be a fierce advocate for yourself and your journey. Do you have friends or family who don’t get it? Take a step back from those relationships for now. Can’t stand seeing baby photos on social media? Unfollow or mute. Need to take time off from work (and can do so without sacrificing your survival)? Do it. Be “selfish” right now. Put your health and your heart first.
- Feel your feels. Whatever they are, they are valid. Struggling to embody that? Then watch This is Us or blast some Alanis Morissette and let the feelings flow. Alternatively, try these mindful movement meditations.
- Remind yourself that it’s about balance. Generally, it’s OK to do the thing that isn’t part of your protocol once in a while. You might also have to let some household tasks go. Balance is something you achieve in a lifetime, not day-to-day.
Read more: Navigating + Strengthening Your Relationship During a Crisis
Whatever your journey, remember: you are worthy
Everyone’s experience with infertility is different. While the medical establishment has a long way to go with supporting patients minds, bodies, and souls, know that you are not alone. Support is there. Whatever path you take and whatever issues you experience, none of them take away from your inherent worth.
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