One of the best “side effects” of working as a sex and relationship educator is the regular opportunity to reflect on my relationship. As my clients share their sex and relationship struggles, I’m given the gift of looking at my own relationship and seeing both how we successfully navigate them and where we can improve as a couple. Appreciation is one of those areas for reflection and improvement.
Appreciation helps you create the right context for great sex
Most of what makes your sex life great has nothing to do with what goes where.Intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex happens when you create the right context. For most womxn* this context means:
- Low stress
- High trust
- High affection
Expressing appreciation is relevant to all of these, especially the affection piece.
Appreciation counteracts criticism, bickering, and taking advantage
Most of the couples I work with take each other for granted. It’s common in committed relationships—you get into your rhythms and routines and overtures of love and appreciation fall away. Along with this often comes increasing criticism and bickering. Both destroy intimacy.
While this is common, it isn’t necessary or unfixable. The solution? Show your partner you appreciate them.