How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Awkward AF

Minouschka asks:

I’m fairly new to the sex game because I’m a late bloomer. One [guy] that I made out with wanted to mutually mastutbate. I was fine with it because I wasn’t gonna have penetrative sex with him on the second date. At some point, I asked him to ejaculate on me, specifically the chest/stomach area. He asked if I was sure, and I confirmed. He was happy to do so, and cleaned me up afterwards.

I ask because this was the first time I asked a guy to do this, and it’s something I guessed would turn me on. (I was right.) I didn’t expect this guy to re-confirm or ask me if I was certain about my request, which makes me wonder, do most women (that you know) not do this??? And, although I’m taking a break from men for awhile, how do I bring this up the next time I’m being intimate with someone? ( I appreciated that the aforementioned guy double-checked with my request, but he did it in a way that made it seemed as if he was surprised by my ask. I low-key felt weird at that point but we proceeded. ) How do I bring this up with my future mate (whoever that is) without them possibly thinking I may be “weird”?

First of all—WAY TO GO honoring your boundaries, trying new things, and asking for what you want! This isn’t easy to do.

Wanting to be ejaculated on is a fairly common sexual desire 

A recent survey of 740 heterosexual individuals found nearly 50 percent of women choose their chest and abdomen as their preferred spot to being ejaculated on. The authors don’t tell us many details about the study design like how they recruited participants, so I can’t speak to the quality of their study.

Anecdotally, many of my counseling clients, colleagues, and friends enjoy being ejacultated on. A tiny survey on my own Twitter corroborated this: two-thirds of respondents said yes. It was at 50/50 for a while though!

We all such at talking about sex

As a society, we’re just starting to learn how to talk about sex in a way that affirms rather than pressures; that excites rather than ruins the moment.

Mainstream depictions suck. Romance novels feature emotionally intelligent heroes who expertly read body language. Sex ed resources can be overly scripted or full of jargon.

Maybe your directness surprised him in a good way a la “REALLY?! This thing I enjoy brings you pleasure too?!” Maybe he worried about you feeling pressured or obligated. Maybe he just didn’t hear your first answer.

Whatever the reason, I’m happy he tried—and even happier you recognized that there have to be better ways to talk about this stuff!

Click here for 7 tips for talking about sex, while you’re having it, without feeling awkward.

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