Is it ok to like being submissive in bed?

At a recent workshop I taught, S asked:

Can I be a take-charge woman and also like being submissive in bed?


The short answer? Absofuckinglutely!

If you want more detail, read on.

What you like in bed doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on who you are as a person. It can, but the relationship isn’t as direct as popular media (cough, 50Shades, cough) makes it out to be. For example, some research suggests that individuals who abhor boredom and those who seek out “varied, novel, complex and intense sensations and experiences,” are more likely to be attracted to a dominant partner. Most take-charge women—myself included!—fall into that category.

Being submissive in bed doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be submissive anywhere else

It doesn’t not mean that either. And being submissive in any one area of your life doesn’t mean that you can’t also be take charge in other parts.

Any combination of being submissive and take-charge is totally normal.

We all have lots of different parts of our personalities. Taking on a different persona in the bedroom can be freeing and fun (pssst—it’s why we wrote you a guide to sexy role play)! It gives you a chance to explore a part of yourself that maybe doesn’t get as much play time.

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