#FlashbackFriday: Is Masturbation Selfish?

The #FlashbackFriday series highlights popular older PbK posts that previously were only available to newsletter subscribers.


Isn’t it always the case that just when you think things can’t get any more hectic they do? Times like these always take me back to my teen years and these lines from Head Automatica. <–Does anyone even remember them?!

“God, You’ve got the strangest sense of humor
You’re too funny to be so heavenly”

Amidst the hecticness, I’ve carved out moments of perfection and peace. Like dancing at a wedding, brunching with beautiful souls, mimosas, and a waffle bar, finishing fabulous reads (MWF Seeks BFF), and happy hours with good friends.

Its this last activity which inspired today’s post. During a recent happy hour, my friend and I got into a discussion about whether masturbation is a selfish act. When she presented this struggle to me I was honestly surprised. Is masturbation selfish? I had never thought about it like that before.

To me, masturbation has always been an expression of appreciation and love for your body. It’s a way to honor your sexual self, connect with your body, and learn from your physical form rather than reject it.

In my opinion, masturbation is another form of a mindfulness practice like yoga or meditation. It forces you to be in the moment and focus on the sensations running through your body. This practice of being present spills over into your relationships, sexual or otherwise. As you get comfortable and more skilled at it, you can more fully engage with others rather than getting stuck in a cycle of comparing your body, being jealous, and worrying about your appearance.

Then there’s the fact that, like a juicy savasana, orgasm at once relaxes and rejuvenates you.

I always say that my yoga and Zumba practices make me a better person by helping me to get out of my head and into my body. I’m not thinking, criticizing, worrying, catastrophizing, or doing anything beyond focusing on my breath and my body. Any anxiety, anger, or fear I’m harboring dissipates, if only for an hour although usually for longer. As a result I’m kinder, gentler, and more understanding with everyone around me. Masturbation functions in much the same way. If that isn’t a selfless act, I don’t know what is.

Do you know someone who has conflicted thoughts on masturbation? Be sure to share this post. They’ll thank you and so will I!

Your Partner in Passion,


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