The #FlashbackFriday series highlights popular older PbK posts that previously were only available to newsletter subscribers.
When you see the words ‘lazy lover’ you know exactly what I mean.
They want to do the least amount of work possible. They halfheartedly give a few rubs before asking you to finish. They jump straight from gentle kissing to sex because foreplay is just too. much. work. They lay back and let you do all the work, each and every time. Oh – and you probably initiate all the time too!
Perhaps that description perfectly describes your current partner. Or you just see some hints. Maybe they weren’t always lazy. Regardless, its limiting your #freedominpleasure and you want more! In this two part series, you’ll learn strategies for dealing with lazy lovers, or even those lovers who have just fallen into bit of a sexy time rut. Today you’ll learn ways to get more balance in your relationship so both you and your partner can be sexually satisfied.
5 Steps to ‘Rehabbing’ Your Lazy Lover
If you or your lover have a history of abuse, assault, or broken hearts, laziness may be a way to disconnect and distance yourself from what happens in the bedroom. If this is the case, please seek help. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists is a great place to start.
Talk to them. I know: talking is always the first step. But maybe your partner doesn’t know they’re being lazy. Maybe they aren’t actually lazy but just lack self-confidence or get timid in bed or are experiencing pelvic pain. If you don’t bring the problem up, it might go on forever.
Be gentle but direct. Say something like, “I love our sexy time together but sometimes feel that I do all of the work. Is everything ok?” OR “Hey, I feel like we’ve gotten into a bit of a rut in the bedroom. Could we try x tonight?” OR “It feels really good when you do x. Could we do more of that?” Its best to do this when you and your partner are not having sex. Bonus points for bringing things up in the car.
Guide them in bed. Depending on how lazy they are, you might have to be a little forward. Try grabbing their hand and guiding it where you want it. Let them know (with moans or words) when they do something that feels good and remind them to “keep going” and “don’t stop!”
Agree to just make out. Making out is pretty fun. So is acting like a teenager and only getting to second or third base. This removes a ton of pressure from your partner. Basically, you are meeting them where they are
Clear up the orgasm issue. Orgasms rock. In fact, I wish everyone climaxed every time they had sex. But they don’t and that is 100% okay. However, just because you aren’t going to orgasm doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy pleasure. Make sure your partner knows these things. This helps to shift their focus from your climax to bringing you pleasure.
When you have a lazy lover, its important to assume best intentions. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take this time to explore more things that bring you both pleasure.