- Get distracted easily during sex?
- Struggle to stay present and shut off your monkey mind?
- Crave more intimacy, a deeper connection, and stronger orgasms?
Here’s a roundup of our favorite evidence-based mindful sex practices, tools, and articles to help you get out of your head and into the moment—so you can experience all the pleasure + ecstasy it has to offer.
Looking for more personalized support? We offer one-on-one sex and relationship counseling to select clients who crave more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex. Click here to schedule a free, no-obligation, confidential consultation.
Mindful Sex Practices
Creating the right context for sex
- Embodied movement – Start by standing tall, feet rooted, and taking a deep breath. Turn on music that matches your current mood and dance it out, feeling the motion move through your body. Then shift to music that matches how you want to feel and repeat. For more, check out my friend Nadia’s website where she has a full class as well as a free starter kit.
- Sleepy Hedgehog Technique – adapted from Emily Nagoski’s amazing book Come As You Are (seriously go buy it – its become a bible for myself and many other sex educators). For the brief version, click here.
- Tongelen meditation – adapted from When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Listen to a brief guided version here.
- Relationship Agreements – choose 1-2 things you want to work on and setup a rule. Some examples: when you’re on the couch, you must be touching; when you part and reunite, spend at least 60 seconds hugging; no phones at the dinner table (or in the bedroom).
- Intention setting – set the intention to receive as much pleasure as possible. You can do this silently on your own, verbally with a partner, or even incorporated into eye-gazing.
- Eye gazing – spend 4 minutes making eye contact with your beau. Can be touching or not and in any position. Giggles and laughter are totally welcome. Try this daily for deeper connection and/or as foreplay to shift out of your head and into the present moment.
- Express love + gratitude. Sit, stand, or lie facing each other and holding hands or embracing. Take turns saying “I’m grateful for…” Continue until you both feel everything has been said. Then take turns saying “I love…”
- Breathe into the center of your chest – your heart and your tingly bits are connected. If you are struggling to stay present, imagine breath and light going into your heart. These are shallower breaths so be mindful of doing this for too long or if you have asthma or other lung issues.
- Touch your breasts – similarly, give you heart some physical love by massaging, cupping, pulling, and generally loving on your breasts. Or, have your partner help you out here! For our fellow Grace & Frankie fans, this is the sexy version of Sol rubbing Frankie’s chest when she has a panic attack.
- Sensate focus – use your monkey mind to notice all the sensual things happening. What are 5 things you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel?
- Tantra breath – deep inhale, exhale with sound. Something you can practice with a partner and take into sex or start in the middle of sex. The sound should be deep, not high-pitched.
- Breathe into your genitals. I used to roll my eyes at this until I tried it. As you get close to orgasm, deepen your breath. Any sounds you’re making will get deeper and this is good because you’re engaging your entire pelvic girdle and diaphragm and hellllllllo sensation!
- Edging – a way of heightening your arousal and enhancing your orgasm that requires you to pay close attention to when you’re close to experiencing orgasm – and stop. Click here for details.
Check in with yourself before sex or if you get distracted in th emoment:
- Do I really want to be having sex right now? Sometimes your distraction is a sign that you’re just not that into it. That’s ok. Gently let your partner know and if you want, do alternative intimate activities or just cuddle and watch TV.
- If you do, “What don’t I want to feel right now? What am I avoiding?” Is it fear? Anxiety? Nausea? Wildness?
- Let yourself feel it. Let the emotion flow through your body. Focus on the sensation and say yes to it.
- Take mindful action. Do you need to scream? Cry? Roleplay? Get wild? Go for it!
Articles on Mindful Sex
- 21 Intimate Ideas to Instantly Reconnect Emotionally to Your Partner
- Can you think your way to a better orgasm?
- Stressed? This Is How To Stop It Wrecking Your Relationship
- Pleasure in Chronic Pain: Simple Mindfulness Techniques for Better Sex
- This is How to Get and Stay in the Mood for Sex
- 10 Ways To Use Essential Oils for Sex
- How To Deal With Relationship Stress
- How to Deal with Stress in a Relationship: Unwind Together