This article on 12 common sex issues in a relationship, is an excerpt from The PbK Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, a 75-page workbook packed with the exact tools that have helped hundreds—and will help you—have more CONFIDENCE, CONNECTION, and PLEASURE in the bedroom and beyond. Click here to get your copy.
Let us guess—you aren’t satisfied with something in your sex life.
It might be that there’s sex issues in your relationship like low desire, pain with sex. OR you might simply be wanting more from your sex life—more pleasure, connection, orgasms, confidence, sex itself!
The Top 12 Sex Issues in a Relationship
These are the most topics we receive the most questions and comments about:
- Low and mismatched libido/desire – you want sex all the time and your partner/s doesn’t (or vice versa)
- Not having enough sex or sex as often as you’d like
- Feeling broken, like there’s something wrong with you or your body
- Reintroducing and (re)building intimacy
- Sharing and exploring sexual fantasies, kinks, BDSM, non-monogamy, etc – but feeling too shy, worried about rejection or starting an argument, or otherwise unsure how to bring it up.
- Not feeling a deep connection with your partner/s—in the bedroom and out
- Stress, anxiety, and depression impacting your desire to have, never mind enjoy sex
- Orgasm, especially how to orgasm with a partner or how to help your partner orgasm
- Sex feels like a chore
- Mindful sex and getting out of your head and into the present moment during sex
- Discussing sex with a partner—in an open, nonjudgmental way that leads to things actually changing
- Feeling insecure and anxious about sex, your relationship/s, and/or your body
Whatever the sex issue, awareness is step #1…
Without it, the change and healing you crave around these issues simply can’t happen. After all—how can you change what you aren’t even aware of?
Awareness allows you to have a deeper understanding of what’s going on, why it’s happening, and the likely many factors that are causing it—from the very micro, personal scale (e.g. a stressful day at work) to the macro scale (e.g. receiving harmful, sex-negative messages from society about people who hold your identities).
As we recently heard Korin Mills summarize,
“The more awareness you can bring to norms, the more they can become tools, resources, and assets and not unconscious actors oppressing you.”
…and communication is step #2
From there, you gotta talk about it! Here’s why:
It brings your partner/s into shared awareness so that you can work together to address the dynamic at play and so that they can support you in any healing, unlearning, etc that may go along with your journey.
Of course talking about sex is easier said than done (see what we did there). From starting the conversation to returning when past sex talks have failed, there are many opportunities for missteps—as well as course corrections.
But…it doesn’t have to be that way.
When it comes to getting the sex you want, you gotta talk about it
And, that doesn’t have to be so hard. With some simple tweaks to ways you and your partner already interact, there’s opportunity to not only navigate those issues we mentioned above but also to have a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life that lasts—no matter what life throws you way.