My #1 Secret for Better Sex

If there is one thing I have learned over the past several years, its that sex really does matter. Despite what we like to tell ourselves, sex is important to both our relationships and our overall well-being.

Sometimes though, you might find that sex doesn’t matter quite as much. Any number of things can cause this…its finals week, kids, work, stress, poor body image, unhappiness with [insert your vice here], medication, etc. While most of these are completely good reasons for saying buh bye to sex (and as a science geek you know I could get all tangential here…), they are only valid for so long.

And then the sh*t hits the fan and you realize its time to fess up.

This is the part where some people run, some people retreat, and some brave souls decide to examine what the heck else is going on.

(The secret is coming…I swear).

For those in the last group, where I try to be as often as possible, we notice something else has happened during this time. In truth, saying goodbye to sex is one of the least important outcomes in this situation. Again, I’m not saying sex isn’t important, but rather that when you take the time to “live the examined life” (so to speak), you realize that it is one of the last outcomes in a series of unfortunate events. <–apparently I’m rather literary today.

So what else happened? We let go of our pleasure. We stop doing the things we love, first as much and then at all. We forget about our favorite practices, be them watching reality TV, doing yoga, or going out for happy hour. We start wearing our “comfy” clothes (yes, I’m talking about those pants), forgetting to shave or pluck or primp or pamper (who has the time, right?!), our hair is thrown up int he same sloppy bun for two weeks straight <–guilty as charged, and makeup…well what the heck is that?

In short, you’ve forgotten about the most important part of your sex life: YOU.

And so you have my secret to amazing/outstanding/overall better sex: exquisite self care.

Obviously, your sex life can’t exist without you in it. But more subtly, your sex life can’t be as important if you aren’t first taking of you. And when stress hits, our self care tends to get tossed out the window. First we stop working out. Then we slowly but surely allow calorie bombs and food-addiction triggers. Next we stop pampering ourselves. And finally, our sex life disappears.

So the next time life gets sh!tty, when things start to go haywire and sex is the last thing on your mind, take a step back to re-examine what else has fallen to the wayside. And take some time for exquisite self-care, whatever that might mean to you.

Your Partner in Passion,

Kait xo