About six months ago, I attended my first S-Factor class. This “sensuous workout for body & soul” involves pole dancing, floor work, and a lot of gyrating in a softly-lit room of ther women. The goal? Opening “the female body into her full, free, erotic expression.” As you can imagine, S-Factor was something I wanted to try since I learned about almost a decade ago!
A friend offered a free class & I jumped on the opportunity. When I arrived to see the room full of women entrepreneurs who I greatly admire, I went into a full fangirl freakout. This was sure to be amazing, right?! There was only one problem:
I left S-Factor feeling like utter shite.
Not empowered, but in pain. Not sensual, but ashamed. Not joyful & uplifted, but beaten down.
Due to my arthritis and injuries, I couldn’t participate in a lot of the exercises (e.g. the entire pole section) without hurting myself more. I don’t own (or desire to) hot pants or stripper heels. I prefer to move my body in different, sexy-to-me ways based on what feels good to her, not what a teacher (even someone I adore & trust to guide me) tells me to do.
Since then, the question of “what is sexy?” has been on my mind.
If this acclaimed sensual movement class didn’t work for me, did that mean I was broken? (No one is.) Too closed off? (I can always work on it but I feel confident in my ability to access my sensuality & sexuality.) That my idea of ‘sexy’ was wrong? (How can a feeling be wrong?) All I ever heard was amazing, life-changing stories from participants so what was wrong with me that it had been the opposite of sexy for me?!
Nothing! I tell you why – and how to define sexy for yourself – in this video.
Sexy is a feeling, not an action.
Just like you get to define your sex life, you get to define what sexy means to you. To me sexy = feeling free, turned on, and empowered. And that’s not what my experience with S Factor led to.
That doesn’t mean it won’t do that for you. And both responses are 100% ok.
Kait, I LOVE this video! I had a long discussion with my partner last night about sex, femininity, masculinity, and the male gaze. I know everyone is in a different phase of their awakening to their sexiness, so (like you) I’m glad we have teachers across the social spectrum.
For me, feeling sexy comes when I see and receive appreciation (including gazes!) from people I find attractive… But that’s only a smal piece of it. I’m my sexiest when I’m feeling powerful! And that happens in all kinds of places: boxing classes, walking around naked at home, indulging in sexy fantasies. It definitely starts inside me and radiates outward!
I’d love to hear more about what being sexy feels like for you and how you get to that place!