This is for you if
- Your sex life isn’t what it used to be. Maybe things were always a little lackluster or it’s recently become tough because: work, kids, illness, family drama. You know, life.
- You don’t feel understood. Every time you try to talk about sex, you end up fighting and nothing changes. It’s beyond frustrating!
- Sex is boring. You’re stuck in a rut, a slump, a dry spell, maybe even on your way to bedroom death.
- You’re not connecting with your partner like you used to.
- You don’t know what you want. And even if you did, you have no clue how to ask for it. It’s just so awkward! Nevermind that you’d have to be in the mood for sex first.
You’re not alone.
Here’s what some of our clients have said about what moved them to try sex and couple’s counseling—for themselves, for their partners, and for their relationships:
“Before working with Kait, I didn’t feel confident enough to initiate things or sexy enough to put myself out there and let myself really feel desired. My husband and I had moved closer to family and were being pulled in a million different directions. We were having less sex, and weren’t as affectionate, flirty, and playful with each other.”
“When we first met, everything was great and we were having sex all the time. Around 2 years in, sex wasn’t happening so much and it started it being an issue. It became this mountainous thing for us, a continuous struggle and the only thing we couldn’t just sit down and talk to each other about. We’d have sex and things were great. A couple of days would go by without anything and it’d turn into a fight where we both were upset. We couldn’t break this cycle.”
“My husband and I were totally in a rut. Sex was kind of hard and awkward for us. I was not usually in the mood, and had a hard time relaxing to really get into it. I was too in my head and so worried about, “Am I gonna be able to orgasm?” I had a hard time thinking what my fantasy would be and what I really desired.”
“I feared my partner and I ultimately were not sexually compatible, thanks to my higher libido and more varied (less vanilla) sexual interests. I felt frustrated, resentful, and like I was hiding part of myself.”
You’re a hard worker—but you haven’t been able
to solve this with hard work.
You’ve tried so much already.
You talked it to death. You read the books, talked to a couple’s therapist, did (several) 30 day sex challenges. You don’t know where else to go from here. It feels like your relationship hinges on figuring this out.
Since launching PbK in 2009, we’ve helped thousands of women
like you find #freedominpleasure
We’ve spent more than a decade working with womxn* and couples to find #freedominpleasure—without feeling awkward, twisting themselves into a pretzel, or spending hours a day on intimacy-building activities. Sometimes they’re a little shy about sex, but our clients crave connection, excitement, & satisfaction. We work together to achieve that.
If you’re ready to try new things and rethink (or ditch) everything that society has taught you about sex, pleasure, intimacy, relationship & your body to pursue #freedominpleasure—let’s work together!
Our founder, NYC-based sex coach Kait Scalisi, is devoted to working directly with counseling clients and finding a way through the daily noise to #freedominpleasure.
My clients regularly comment that I’m the first person they could really open up to. As one client put it:
You understand the aspects of sex that people don’t talk about: real things, practical things, and working with oneself instead of against oneself to enjoy a physical experience instead of ‘just do it anyway’
My background in neuroscience and public health, combined with my experience living and loving as a person with chronic illness, helps me provide my couple’s and sex counseling clients (that’s you!) with a unique and fully realized perspective on what it really takes to keep the spark alive (or fan the spark into a flame)—no matter what life throws their way.
And what happens if you put yourself out there?
What happens if you put you—your wants, your needs, your desires, your fears— first?
What happens if you dive in?
Here’s what a few of our clients have said:
“Working with Kait has been so good. The biggest thing I’ve realized is taking ownership of me again. I used to do that and I lost it along the way. And I just feel so good. It was very uncomfortable at first—it still isn’t perfect and I still have to think about it—but then I go, “No I’m worth it and I’m doing it.”
Working with Kait created a new level of openness and intimacy.”
“The very best thing [about working with Kait] is that I have been initiating more conversations about sex with my partner, desires, fantasies, past experiences, etc. I have found better ways to talk to him about how I need my body to be touched—both feelings of safety and what I like sexually!”
“My life looks so different now. It has become more fulfilling in every way. I know my body so much better. I feel sexier. Powerful, like I am in a novel. I’m more confident and flirty, and always turned on. I know exactly what I want and I don’t think or worry about it—I just do it.”
If you can’t wait a moment longer to change your sex life and get your glow-up…
Think all of that’s super great, but need a more practical outline of services?
I love the way you think!
How Sex & Couple’s Counseling Works
I work privately with womxn and couples on a case-by-case basis. My couple’s and sex counseling clients are newlyweds, new parents, housewives, cancer survivors, SAHMs, grad students, CEOs, people with chronic illnesses, and everyone in between. They tend to be a little shy about sex, but crave connection, excitement, & satisfaction.
I offer a number of packages to fit every budget and do just that—all of them virtual so you can access sex and couple’s counseling in NYC or wherever you are. Before we get started, we’ll decide together which package is the best fit for you. No matter WHAT happens in your relationship along the way, we’ll address it in the brave space of counseling so you get back to finding freedom in pleasure. That’s the power of having and nonjudgmental sex coach in your corner, cheering you on and supporting you through it all.
Along the way, my clients tell me there’s lots of laughter, tears, revelations, and healing. They stop feeling something is wrong with them, and end up with more passion—and a richer, more fulfilling life.
See What You Get in Our Couple’s and Sex Counseling Packages
All Counseling Packages Include:
A Brave + Safe Space to Open Up
Ongoing emotional and strategic support for your sex life and your relationship, if you’re in one. We’ll go as deep and slowly as needed to make sure we deal with the blocks you have that keep you from living a passionate and adventurous life. It’s like talking to a friend—but a really nice, non-judgy one. This is YOUR space to be authentic and honest, without worrying about disappointing anyone. It’s all about you!
So, You Think You’ve Tried It All? Inventory
My intake form + assessments helps me get to know you and your relationship, and leverage your self-awareness and all the things you’ve already tried. This way we don’t waste time rehashing things that haven’t worked or bringing me up to speed on where your relationship and/or your sex life is right now. Instead, we jump right in to exploring the aspects of your life that actually impact your intimacy and finding freedom in pleasure.
No two sex lives or relationships are the same, so the advice you get shouldn’t be one-size-fits all either. My relationship and sex counseling emphasizes creating a sex life that works for you, your life, & your relationship—regardless of the “shoulds.” Every session is tailored to you, for you. These private phone calls are your space to open up, ask questions, cry, celebrate, rant, discover new desires, and make a plan so you feel empowered and know exactly what to do when we hang up.
Steady, Ongoing Support
Whichever package you choose, we’ll talk at least twice a month. Building this ongoing support + accountability into your life changes everything. No more waiting for another disagreement, disappointment, or frustration to get help. We weave our calls into your schedule, so the support and awareness become part of your relationship and life. I bring empathy and sexpertise to every call, so you can relax knowing all you have to do is show up and share your experiences and will be fully supported in learning and asking for what you want.
Customized, Adjustable, Practical Next Steps
At the start of our work, we define a main goal to work towards. Each call, I’ll share the information, tools, and practices you need to get there. We end by updating your Spark Plan, an adaptable, individualized plan that gives you fun & practical ideas to deepen your connection, and get your spark back (or fan it into flame). This is sex advice that you actually look forward to trying—and that doesn’t require you to contort yourself into a pretzel, spend hours a day on homework, or feel awkward (unless that’s your thing, of course)—and is easy enough to do, regardless of what life throws at you. As each win builds upon the next, you find #freedominpleasure even as you navigate inevitable challenges.
Updates and Check-Ins
Before each call, you share wins and challenges to help you process what’s happening in your life and/or your relationship. This gives you clarity, keeps you accountable, and records all the beautiful transformations you experience. It also guides our call so we can make the most of our time together and I can share sound, evidence-based feedback and information about the aspects of your life that actually impact your intimacy. You’ll feel even more empowered looking back and seeing how much progress you made while working with me.
To support your journey, you’ll get additional, supplementary materials, including pleasure worksheets and product recommendations, to help deepen your connection to yourself and your partner(s). These will be shared as needed to support, not overwhelm, you.
Think you might be interested?
Whether you’re interested in a single session or a 6-month package, I offer free, no-obligation, confidential consultations to help you decide whether or not my counseling is right for you.
Need one last boost?
Here’s some more client love to get you in the mood for that first call:
“Since working with Kait, I have found it much easier to connect physically with my husband.It really has been great and has been spreading into a more often and satisfying intercourse routine! I also have been taking the time to treat myself and appreciate myself. It has really been helping with my self-esteem and self-acceptance.”
“I loved how comfortable you made me feel as I was talking, and how ‘on the same page’ you were regarding the specific issues, vocabulary, and emotional challenges that I experience. You provided great suggestions for how to talk about a range of relationship/sex issues, particularly with a reluctant partner, as well as activities/approaches to consider re-engaging interest and intimacy. Now, he brings suggestions (during sex) that work out well! I’d recommend you to anyone in a relationship experiencing a decrease in passion or trouble communicating about sex.”
“Before, I knew what worked so I was afraid to try anything else. Whereas now, it’s ok if I don’t orgasm, and if I do I know it’ll be great. My orgasms are so much better and strong. That doesn’t even come close to describing it!”
So go ahead! Set up a call.
It’s like a first date—there’s nothing to lose by seeing where it takes you!
Click here to schedule a private, no-obligation Spark Discovery Call and fill out the counseling application so I can learn about you and make sure we’re a good fit. NO ONE sees this but me, so go ahead and dish.
On our call, we’ll talk through the sex life you want to create and decide which level of support is right for you right now. We’ll make sure we like working together before you commit—chemistry is important at every stage of sexual health! Plus, you’ll have the chance to ask me all your questions.
After checking in with yourself and your boo, if you have one who should be involved, if it’s a HELL YES, we’ll make it official! I’ll walk you through the exact steps to get started and schedule your first session—and then you’ll be on your way to finding freedom in pleasure.
How is counseling different than sex therapy?
Sex or couple’s counseling is short-term and client-centered, focusing on one or two goals and taking action to meet those. Kait helps clients resolve their concerns by a) creating a comfortable, permission-giving space for clients to share openly; b) providing sound, evidence-based feedback and information; c) teaching problem solving techniques; and, d) suggesting specific sex exercises, techniques, and tools.
One of our client’s favorite differentiators from therapy is the Spark Plan, a customized plan shared through Google Docs that addresses the phenomenon whereby you walk out of your therapist (or physical therapist’s) office and immediately forget everything you said and all your plans!
While she is a certified sexuaity educator, Kait is not a licensed mental health professional. Counseling is not intensive therapy designed to diagnose and treat mental health concerns or sexual concerns complicated by other psychiatric diagnoses or interpersonal or intrapersonal conflict. Kait will identify situations that would be better suited for treatment with a therapist and make referrals as needed.
Does Kait only see clients in NYC?
All sessions are held via phone or Skype, meaning you can access our couple’s and sex counseling in NYC or where you are!
Does Passion by Kait accept insurance?
We are unable to accept insurance. You may be able to submit counseling for reimbursement through your FSA or HSA, often with a Letter of Medical Necessity. This varies by plan and you should check with your provider. Sex and couple’s counseling also qualifies for reimbursement as “health coaching” under workplace wellness benefits.
Do you only work with couples? With womxn?
While I primarily work with womxn and monogamous couples, I’m happy to and have experience working with people in all sorts of sexual situations & relationship structures. My goal is simply to help you have the intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life you crave—however that looks for you and your beau(s).
If you’re part of a couple and reach out on your own, on our Spark Discovery Call, we’ll determine whether working with me solo or with your partner(s) is the best course of action. This depends on a variety of factors including what you’re struggling with and your partner’s willingness to participate (if applicable), as well as practical concerns like scheduling.
What is your experience and training??
Here’s a list of my credentials.
- Master’s in Public Health in sexual health education from Johns Hopkins University
- Bachelor’s in Neuroscience from Stonehill College
- Director of Training & Education for My Secret Luxury
- The youngest faculty member with the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment
- Training with sex education greats like Leslie Kantor of Planned Parenthood, Megan Andelloux of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, and Roz Dischaivo of ASSECT
- Experience navigating chronic illness, mental health issues, and long-distance/frequent travel as a couple
Have more questions? Email us at passionbykait[at]gmail[dot]com
*Alternative spellings for “woman” were created as part of the feminist movement to promote women’s independence from men. This current spelling encompasses a broader range of gender identities than “woman,” including trans women and non-binary femme individuals. For more information, check out this great piece in the Boston Globe.