- How do I orgasm during intercourse?
- Is it true some people can’t orgasm at all?
- I don’t think I’ve every had an orgasm…
All these questions and more are answered in our most requested sex and relationship workshop, All About Orgasm, which was featured on Sex Right Now with Cleo Stiller. Check out a clip of PbK founder Kait facilitating it.
Click here to watch the full episode.
4 Things You Need to Know about Orgasm
Missed the episode? Saw it & want to learn more? Here are the four most important things about the Big O.
What is an orgasm?
Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension. It can happen from stimulation of the clitoris, the vagina, the anus, the eyebrows, the feet, the breasts, or just by thinking about sex, depending on a lot of factors, including simple factors like PRACTICE and CONTEXT.Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are
How do you experience orgasm?
You experience orgasm when you receive the right stimulation in a context that works—for you.
No one “gives” you an orgasm—your brain creates it. Of course, partners and tools can help both create the right context and provide the stimulation you crave.
For most people, the “right” context is:
- low stress
- high trust + affection
- explicitly erotic
Exactly how that looks varies from person to person
The “wrong” context, meanwhile, is when you have too many needs competing for your brain’s focus. What needs? Well, things like work stress, body image concerns, family issues, or even feeling too cold. All of these stressors tell your brain to deprioritize sex because OMG you might die (the brain stinks at differentiating between threats to survival and not).
The key to a better orgasm—and sex life–is to have more of the things that turn you on and less of those that turn you off. AKA creating the right context for you,
The most common misconception about orgasm
How to have better orgasms (and sex) now
When you reflect on past sexual experiences, you’ll discover a handful of things that have been present in all your favorite experiences. Most likely it’s missing from your least favorite —or something else was present that overrode it!
- Think about the best orgasm you’ve ever experienced.
- Envision the scene. Think: who/what/when/where/why/how. Who were you with? What happened before, during, & after? What did you see, hear, smell, feel, & taste? When was it, both time of day and what was happening in your life? Is there a reason you were doing it, like celebrating something or as a thank you for some kind act? How did it all go down?
- Write down everything you remember, even the littlest detail.
- Now circle 1-3 things that are a good combination of impactful & easy to do.
- Voila! You’ve taken the first step to creating the right context for your best orgasm again and again and again.
Want additional support in experiencing ecstasy?
If you crave a more intimate, exciting, & fulfilling sex life—without feeling awkward, twisting themselves into a pretzel, or spending hours a day on intimacy-building activities, host your own All About Orgasm workshop for you and your friends.
Glad your friend finally kicked the jerk to the curb and want to celebrate their new independence? Got a friend with a big birthday who’s never even tried a vibrator? Celebrating your besties upcoming nuptials and want a sophisticated alternative to a stripper? Want to send them off with everything they need for the best honeymoon evah? Want to get a few of your boo’d up friends together and learn some new blowjob techniques? Workshops are great for birthday parties, bachelorette parties, divorce parties, and friends’ nights in.
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