Struggling with desire changes in quarantine? You aren’t alone.

Ahh, quarantine. 

By now we’ve all been staying at home for…a while. Let’s just leave the counting to the mathematicians. 

Much has already been written about how these aren’t normal times. You aren’t *really* working from home, you’re trying to be productive in the midst of a pandemic that’s changing the face of the economy, of healthcare, of the world.  How we might all be in the same storm but we aren’t all on the same boat. All of this applies to your sex life and relationships, too.

What I’ve heard from couples—these in my sex coaching and couple’s counseling practice and those who responded to this platform’s call for your quarantine sex stories—is that it feels like being on  a rollercoaster with three parts:

Stage 1: BLISS! You’re in a new honeymoon period, having lots of sex, learning new, intimate details about each other, and falling deeper in love. WEE!

Stage 2: Get. Away. From. Me. You are sick of each other. You bicker constantly. Seriously, why do they chew so loud? Can I just have one damn hour alone?! GRRR.

Stage 3: We’ve got this! You’ve found some sort of tentative rhythm that works for the two of you.  Things feel, dare you say, normal. AHH.

Rinse and repeat.

And again.

And so on and so forth.

Sometimes this rollercoaster happens in the course of a day. Other times, over weeks. Regardless, it reminds me of my favorite quote from Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart:

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

What’s so powerful about this Chodron quote is that it’s a reminder both that this too shall pass and also that something else will come up. 

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