When it comes to having better sex, most of the advice tells you to add new, sexy, fun things to your routine. Variety indeed keeps things exciting, and also it’s not long before your routine expands to include that something new. Then there’s the fact that, for many people, there isn’t a toy, sex position, or move that solves their struggles with low desire, orgasm difficulties, body image issues, relationship issues, etc. For those answers, we have to look outside the bedroom (kind of).
Over the years, researchers have examined this question and discovered just three factors most people need to have the intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life they crave. Here’s what those three keys are—and how to achieve them.
Manage Your Stress
For many people, stress kills libido. For fewer, it ratchets up their sex drive, sometimes to an uncomfortable point. Either way, managing (not decreasing or eliminating) your stress is key.
Stress, like all emotions, needs to be experienced and resolved. Otherwise, it takes up residence in your body, wreaking havoc on your sleep, mood, sex life, and more. One of the best ways to manage stress is to physically release it from your body. Here are a few ways to do that.
Use sounding breath
- Place your hand on your chest, just below your collarbones
- Inhale deeply, filling your pelvis, lower belly, ribs, and chest
- Sigh deeply as you exhale. You want to feel your chest vibrate beneath your hand
- Repeat multiple times, throughout the day, and anytime you feel tense
A good ol’ scream or two also works great, though this can be a bit harder to do in a public place or even your home, depending on your living situation.
Shake it like a polaroid picture
Ever notice that after a dog gets spooked they shake it out? Shaking is one of the best things you can do to manage stress. After experiencing an acute stressor—say, a loud noise—let that shudder out. For chronic stress, try a daily rebounding or shaking (or dance that’s mostly shaking) practice.
Cry it out
Feel silly crying? Put on that show or movie, the one that always wrecks you, or grab thatbook, and let it flow!