Want to Have More Sex? Here’s How

Nowadays, we’re all pretty darn busy. There’s the traditional stuff like work and school and volunteering and parenting. But on top of all that there’s the wonderful interwebs- social media, buzzfeed, thought catalog, you name it! And amidst all this you’re trying to cultivate pleasure – true, deep, passionate sexual pleasure.

That is why you’re here after all, right? 😉

Now you know that sex, solo or partnered, is oh-so-good for you. Yet sometimes you find yourself thinking, “OMG sex…who has time for that?!” We’ve all been there and it totally stinks because sex can be time to let it all go. From a physical standpoint, it can totally relax and de-stress you; therefore, it tends to be exactly what you do need!  Instead it often gets clumped together with laundry, dishes, and the like. While this might not be a big deal in the short term, over time, it can hurt your relationship with yourself, your body, and your partner(s).

So the next time you find yourself avoiding sex because its too much work or adding it to you ‘to-do’ list next to taking out the trash, take some steps to get really honest with yourself. And then follow these steps for adding sex back into your life.

Your Three Step Formula for Having More Sex

1) Identify your core values. What are the three values/feelings that are most important to you? Is it connection, feelings, intimacy, romance, success, freedom, fun? Something else? Write them down.

2) Get a reality check. Now that you know what’s most important, take a look at how you are currently spending your time. Draw a circle and divide it up based on how much time you devote to each aspect of your life. Think: work, relationships, self-care, social media, family time, kids, etc. Now take a look at those areas that align with your core values. Are they getting a big or even fair slice of the pie? If you’re anything like me when I first did this the answer is a big fat no!

3) Prioritize your time. Now that you know both your core values and how you spend your time, look for areas of your pie to make smaller so you can devote more time to sex and intimacy. For example, do you really need to read that blog post/watch that episode/check social media one more time? Or can you join your partner (battery-operated or otherwise!) in bed a little earlier?

Remember, actions speak louder words and how you spend your time is one way of telling others what is important to you. Make pleasure one of those areas! If you struggle with this in the moment, really ask: what’s more important: activity x or sex? TV or my pleasure? You might no always choose pleasure, but it will help put things in perspective.

One last word before I sign off. While scheduling sex might seem counter-intuitive to everything I’ve written, it’s not. In fact, by putting sex on your calendar you’re saying that its just as important as those work meetings and family visits and doctor’s appointments. Oh heck yes.

Do you know someone who wants or needs to have more sex? Share this post with them! They’ll thank you and so will I.

Your Partner in Passion,

Kait xo

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