What are the best sex positions for people with vulvas?
I’m so grateful you asked this question because it’s a conversation that comes up frequently in my workshops and counseling practice. My response is always the same:
I can’t tell you that.
I know, I know. Every major magazine and website that talks about sex has a “best position” list. Hell, I’ve written a few of them! If you want a list of new things to try, these lists can provide inspiration. But the truth is there’s no single answer to this question (same goes for the “best” sex toys or the “best” anything, really).
There are many reasons as to why this is, and Melanie Davis, Ph.D., a New Jersey-based sexuality counselor and educator, sums it up best:
I don’t see how the question can be answered. Hip flexors, spinal health, the clitoris’s position and preferences, internal versus external stimulation preferences, body shapes, height differences, partner’s genitals…There are too many variables to recommend a universal ‘best.’ Heck, some people may prefer rear-entry because they don’t like a partner’s breath in their face.
There’s also the fact that your answer will change over time. Your preferences might change as a result of a major life shift like becoming a parent, going through menopause, getting diagnosed with a chronic illness, moving, etc., OR it might change because that’s what bodies do. For example, I used to love cowgirl…until the day my hip popped out thanks to my arthritis. While medicine and physical therapy have helped with that issue, my current favorite positions don’t involve penetration at all.
Because that’s the other thing about “best of” lists: they exclude swaths of people. Kirsten Schultz, founder of Chronic Sex elaborates: “It’s important to recognize that many of the positions recommended in pieces like this don’t give additional information about accessibility (e.g. this position is less than ideal for someone with knee problems). They also don’t take into account if a person has dealt with any transition or queerness. Someone with a vulva only being given [penis in vagina sex (PIV)] positions leaves out far too many people to be truly helpful.
Now that you realize I’m not going to give you a list of positions to try, you might be wondering, “OK, what do I do then?”