His hands glide over my back, the touch barely there. A hint, a swish, a whisper. My skin erupts in goosebumps and I move restlessly, longing for more but at the same time relishing in the sensual torture.
For as far back as I remember, my back has been a source of intense pleasure and comfort. Some of my happiest memories involve having my back rubbed as I fell asleep. In college, my friends quickly learned my secret. A hand on my back while dancing or a stroke down my back during a hug would leave me wriggly, legs weak. Rubbing my back remains a surefire way to calm me down. It’s equally as likely to make me orgasm.
Because – you know – context matters.
My kink has always been a part of me. I thankfully never had a script telling me it was wrong. Different, unique, but generally celebrated.
I realize my privilege in that.
Because for many people, “kink” is indeed a dirty word. To this day BDSM is included in the DSM V– the diagnostic manual used by therapists to identify & treat mental illness. And yet, studies show that kinky sex has some serious benefits to your sex life & relationship. Let’s bust through the BS shall we?
What is Kink?
Kinkly defines it as
…an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sexual activities that are considered to be unconventional or unorthodox. While BDSM is one of the first things that springs to mind when someone hears the word kink, it’s far from the only kinky practice out there. Sexual acts such as spanking, dripping candle wax on the skin, participating in orgies, swinging and role-playing are also often considered to be kinky, as are some unusual sex positions or usage of sex toys.
Anything not kinky is said to be vanilla.
Read more: What is Kink?
Is Kink Bad?
Then again – I’d say everyone should do their research before sex, period. Lots of first time ladies wouldn’t bleed if their beaus took the time for foreplay!
But I digress…
Kink doesn’t have to be any more dangerous than vanilla sex – mine carries almost no risk. Be smart: do your research, put safety first, and communicate, communicate, communicate.
Does Kink Have Benefits?
You find #freedominpleasure when you say HECK YES to your desires and SEE YA to the shame, negative messaging, & everything else that holds you back.
Beyond that, research shows a lot of benefits to kinky sex. People who say they’re kinky tend to be more confident in their relationship, less anxious, more reliable, and more adventurous.
Read More: Is Kinky Sex Better Sex?
Do I have to identify as kinky/a kinkster?
Nope. I’m a self-proclaimed vanilla gal – with a side of cayenne. 😉
You may find, though, that taking on such an identity is freeing, a homecoming back to yourself. Something to think about…
How can I add kink to my relationship?
First, figure out what you want to try. Maybe you’ve always known – great! If not, here are my favorite resources to help you explore:
Second, do your research. Different kinks = different levels of risk and therefore amount of preparation. What do you need to know to make trying your kink safe? Do you need specific tools? Have limitations from a chronic illness or injury?
Third, bring it up with your beau. You can start with something like, “I was reading this post about kinky sex, specifically [kink you want to try]. How do you feel about that?” Use your own words!
The path from there is less clear. Hopefully you’re both ready to jump right in! But your honey may need some time to process your request or do their own research. Be patient, remember that you love each other, and don’t be afraid to get creative with how your kink plays out.
Where can I learn more?
Want more specific answers to “what is kink?” Want hot kinky sex tips? Want some kinky prizes? The Kinky Sex Tips Blogfest was created just for you!
Even More resources
PbK Blog Posts
HAVE A SEX QUESTION FOR ME? HERE’S 5 WAYS TO GET YOUR ANSWER:
- Pop it in the comments, submit it here or email me at passionbykait[at]gmail[dot]com – I’ll either send you an article that answers your question or answer it in an upcoming blog post.
- Attend one of my upcoming workshops. Click here to see the schedule.
- Host a private workshop for you & your friends.
- Book a free Spark Call. Click here to get on my schedule.
- Sign up for 1:1 sex counseling. Learn more.
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