Japanese Rope Bondage Taught Me about Vulnerability

A few weeks back I found myself at a Japanese rope bondage class.

I was at once super nervous and ridiculously excited. Ever since my first sex conference, I made a commitment to go outside my comfort zone. This is one of the best take-aways—to be comfortable with discomfort and to actively move towards situations that challenge me.

Read more: What If I Try Something New and They Don’t Like It?

I didn’t know what to expect but I knew my assumptions would be challenged

This class focused on connective tying. In other words, we wouldn’t be learning intricate knots. We’d prioritise intimacy.

Since “intimacy” is so often a euphemism for “sex,” I feel like this is a good place to say no sex took place. In other words: we all kept our clothes on and no one had sex. Just in case you, like me, had a totally different idea about what BDSM and kink was all about. 😉

The main reason I attended this class was because I already knew and felt totally safe with its teacher, Hedwig. I know I could stop or leave at any point, no questions asked (or offence taken).

Anyway, after a talk about connective bondage and a demonstration, I partnered with my top (the person doing the tying). We began by discussing boundaries as well as how I could communicate during the session.

The class focused on building connection and trust

We began with a grounding exercise. It was about getting to know each other, getting present, and relaxing into the experience. Think: the breath work at the beginning of a yoga class or the first strokes from a masseuse.

Read more: Mindful Sex Resources

The next two exercises involved the rope, which my top let me feel first so I knew what to expect. Since the goal of the event was connection, there were no intricate knots or designs. Instead the focus was on trust, consent, and being present.

There were lots of giggles, relaxed sighs, stumbles, and moments on the line between exhilarating and terrifying.

I left the Japanese rope bondage class full of energy.

My few experiences with kink (ok my one…) and conversing with kink communities have been so consent-focused and body-positive. It makes me sad that mainstream sex doesn’t value these.

I mostly credit my top for creating such an inclusive, open space. And, of course, myself for being brave.

When we’re stuck in shame, its hard to strip down for a partner

Figuratively and literally!

You’re not alone if you struggle with this.

Before we began, I shared that I have trouble letting go physically (later, i’d realise this is a result of my undiagnosed hypermobility). As the class progressed, I felt myself letting go of fear and shame. I felt myself sink deeper into the moment. I found a place of pure bliss.

In other words: I let myself be completely and utterly vulnerable.

I was literally at the mercy of my top. I trusted her completely even knowing she could control my just by pressing one point. I had to shed the layers of fear and lean into the experience fully.

By taking a risk, I had a transformative experience

I felt more deeply connected to myself and my desires. I also experienced a ripple effect into my relationship.

You see, vulnerability lets us be more real, trusting, and open with ourselves and our loved ones. This, in turn, allows for a deeper connection, both because you’ve grown as an individual and because you’re allowing others in. Finally, this connection means you can have better sex, deeper orgasms, and more meaningful cuddle time.

Read more: 21 Intimate Ideas to Connect Emotionally with Your Partner(s

vulnerability –> intimacy –> better sex

The next time you feel afraid to open up or share your true desires, remember that simple connection is powerful…and be brave. You’ve got this.